topherchris

One of my hobbies has been going to forums where people ask about moving to or visiting NYC for the first time and answering people’s queries with really horrible and frightening advice.

Here’s a taste:

• Something to watch out for is that thanks to harsh water restrictions, each borough has specified days on when you’re allowed to use the shower. If you really need a shower on Monday mornings, for example, you should look at Queens or The Bronx.

• You have to make $150k to live in Manhattan, period. Actually, Hoboken is nice, you should really consider it. I’m serious.

• Don’t ever ride in the second car on the Subway. The MTA has set this car aside for gang members. This fact isn’t advertised due to the obvious embarrassment it would bring to the city, but it’s vital that you always avoid this car. (Note: It’s not always the second car. Listen carefully to the conductor’s instructions. They will not be repeated.)

• If you don’t hail a cab like a native, you’ll be targeted as a “candyass tourist” and subject to varying degrees of ridicule by both private and public officials.

• Taxi drivers never use mobile telephones. They often pretend to use one when attempting to converse with you because they are shy. If you do not engage in their conversation they will be insulted and might take you to Yonkers.