topherchris is an internet enthusiast

Okay, so about this "midget porn" thing

Does anybody else use “midget porn” as a phrase to blanketly refer to the plethora of really freaky stuff that you may or may not have actually looked at on the internet which you are afraid to admitting to?

I’ve been doing research, and I don’t think “midget porn” actually means porn featuring little people. No, “midget porn” is actually a euphemism for all of the real depravity that’s out there that we’re afraid to bring up among our peers, out of fear of harsh judgement.

Imagine this scenario around the water cooler at the office:

Bob: Man, my girlfriend busted me for looking at some freaky stuff online last night. Embarrassing!

Joe: Haha. Like what kind of stuff?

Bob: Oh you know, the usual stuff I’m into: Japanese octopus fetish, tentacle rape, shitting dick nipples.

Joe: … … What the fuck, Bob?!

Bob: Hey guy, haha. I was kidding. Just midget porn, dude.

Joe: Oh, okay. Cool. You scared me for a second there, man.

Learn from Bob’s mistake here. “Midget porn” is a patsy, and truly isn’t fair to all the poor little people out there — but it’s better than looking like a sicko wackjob in front of your friend Joe.