topherchris

Yet another crackish individual came to my door last night, who was surprised and more than a little irritated that I could not, in fact, provide them with any crack cocaine. (Don’t think it hasn’t occurred to me to simply get in the crack-selling business to take advantage of the apparently superb location I’m blessed to posses for such an enterprise. But not yet.)

Here’s what I’m thinking: Rig my doorbell to play a recorded message along the lines of “Greetings. If you’re looking for the crack, you want to go one door to the left. Thank you for not looting my home while I’m away.”

I’m sure something much more entertaining than that could be conceived, but I fear it would come at the cost of confusing the individual even more.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had to deal with a severely confused crack-addict, but it’s a little bit like putting a hungry, rabid, baby Aye-Aye down your pants and doing your best Hammer Dance.