Free writing

Don’t you hate when you wake up from a nap to discover that it’s dark outside? It’s disquieting is what it is. Like the world thinks it has the right to spin while we’re not watching.

Life is funny. Hilarious, even.

I want to start a street art project where I place internet-style comments on walls and objects throughout the city. Maybe I’ll even have a website that keeps track of them all and takes comments on the comments. The user-generated comments from the site could then make it back to real-world walls in a bizarre echo chamber.

This new nasal spray I got is called “Sinus Busters” or something.

I think I had a dream where there was an extra-terrestrial stripper sitting on my floor. It turns out that this particular species of alien looked mostly like a squid (the marine cephalopod), so it was certainly not arousing. Indeed, it was downright nauseating. To think it was just as disgusted by me is a hard fact of life to come to terms with.

My weather app says it’s snowing, but it’s not.

I’m sorry that I offended so many people from Cleveland in my post from earlier today. It was just a joke. You should be thanking me, really, for giving your squalid burg a major shout-out on a top internet destination.

I’m so thirsty I could drink water.

(I didn’t preview a draft of this post before publishing it. We in the biz call this “freeballing.”)